Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Sunday, July 13, 2008
A Forgiveness Never Asked
He was hearing whispers where no one was talking.He was trying really hard to listen and followed the sounds of whisper but he could not find anyone around talking.Everybody's eyes seemed to be asking questions even there was no one noticing him.He could not understand what was wrong with him.He could not help himself just imagining stuffs on his own.
While sitting alone, he felt like a person in courtroom every soul trying to pronounce a judgment on him. Everyone around was wearing white and weather seemed so gloomy that it seemed that shroud around body has engulfed the whole environment. He wanted to speak but watching his mother's tear made him stop.
So many years had passed yet the memory of that day seemed to be etched in his life as alive as he was. He still found questions in the eyes of his mother which she never even would have thought of. He seemed to be at peace when he was always facing turmoil from inside. He wanted to let it out but just fearing the unknown i.e. what would happen if it is revealed,if the situation becomes worse than the current one , made him stop. The fact that he had not said it in so many years made it almost impossible to say it now.He had tried to console himself by saying to himself that it was not his fault and he couldn't have known this. But these consoles only lasted even less than a moment.
One day on his way to home ,lost in his thoughts aided by a drunk driver he got hit by a car. He was rushed to hospital bleeding heavily. After an hour long operation he was saved by doctor. But due to injury to head he suffered from amnesia.After a month long recuperation he was ambulatory and he remembered most of his life except the part which he always tried to forget before injury.
Everything seemed fine and he was happy for the first time in life. Every once in a while he would notice an expression in her mother's face whenever she saw his picture when he was around. It always puzzled him but he just could not understand what was troubling him.He always felt that there is something about him which he is not remembering.
So many years had passed yet the memory he could not remember anything about that day. His mother was lying on the bed with ventilator on her side. He was watching her with grief with imminent about to happen. Accumulating all her strength she muttered the words "I forgive you. It was not your fault." He was not able to ask any questions nor could she answer any.
He remembered his mother's last word but never understood the meaning. It made him restless for sometime trying to remember all the things he did which could evoke such a response but he could not find any. Whenever he looked at his picture he just felt even more restless and fact that he could explain this baffled him a lot .
So many years had passed yet he could not forget his mother's last word nor could he remember about the day. His sons were playing around him, he was watching them as always with a smile. Suddenly a kite came and landed on the parapet. His elder son said some things to his younger brother which sent a chill to his spine. Watching these events happen took him by a shock and he understood what his mother's last words meant.
It was a clear blue sky and and lot of kites were flying in the sky. A red kite snapped in fight came flying to their roof and he watched it land on their parapet. He dared him to get the kite and while getting the kite he slipped and fell to the ground. As he was watching with shock,he saw people rushing to him. Not knowing what to do he ran quickly to his room and locked himself in. He can remember it all now. Body of his young brother covered in shroud and their mother crying.He then remembered how on the day when he was being rushed to hospital and he was asking for forgiveness that he asked his brother to get the kite.
While sitting alone, he felt like a person in courtroom every soul trying to pronounce a judgment on him. Everyone around was wearing white and weather seemed so gloomy that it seemed that shroud around body has engulfed the whole environment. He wanted to speak but watching his mother's tear made him stop.
So many years had passed yet the memory of that day seemed to be etched in his life as alive as he was. He still found questions in the eyes of his mother which she never even would have thought of. He seemed to be at peace when he was always facing turmoil from inside. He wanted to let it out but just fearing the unknown i.e. what would happen if it is revealed,if the situation becomes worse than the current one , made him stop. The fact that he had not said it in so many years made it almost impossible to say it now.He had tried to console himself by saying to himself that it was not his fault and he couldn't have known this. But these consoles only lasted even less than a moment.
One day on his way to home ,lost in his thoughts aided by a drunk driver he got hit by a car. He was rushed to hospital bleeding heavily. After an hour long operation he was saved by doctor. But due to injury to head he suffered from amnesia.After a month long recuperation he was ambulatory and he remembered most of his life except the part which he always tried to forget before injury.
Everything seemed fine and he was happy for the first time in life. Every once in a while he would notice an expression in her mother's face whenever she saw his picture when he was around. It always puzzled him but he just could not understand what was troubling him.He always felt that there is something about him which he is not remembering.
So many years had passed yet the memory he could not remember anything about that day. His mother was lying on the bed with ventilator on her side. He was watching her with grief with imminent about to happen. Accumulating all her strength she muttered the words "I forgive you. It was not your fault." He was not able to ask any questions nor could she answer any.
He remembered his mother's last word but never understood the meaning. It made him restless for sometime trying to remember all the things he did which could evoke such a response but he could not find any. Whenever he looked at his picture he just felt even more restless and fact that he could explain this baffled him a lot .
So many years had passed yet he could not forget his mother's last word nor could he remember about the day. His sons were playing around him, he was watching them as always with a smile. Suddenly a kite came and landed on the parapet. His elder son said some things to his younger brother which sent a chill to his spine. Watching these events happen took him by a shock and he understood what his mother's last words meant.
It was a clear blue sky and and lot of kites were flying in the sky. A red kite snapped in fight came flying to their roof and he watched it land on their parapet. He dared him to get the kite and while getting the kite he slipped and fell to the ground. As he was watching with shock,he saw people rushing to him. Not knowing what to do he ran quickly to his room and locked himself in. He can remember it all now. Body of his young brother covered in shroud and their mother crying.He then remembered how on the day when he was being rushed to hospital and he was asking for forgiveness that he asked his brother to get the kite.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Bill's Last Day
I witnessed the last day of Bill Gates through webcast at Microsoft IDC 's hall. Although I was not physically present in the room with Bill Gates, it almost felt the same except for the time when webcast halted for some time due to buffering. It was really a great experience; "Bill Gates ,looking back, moving forward" that's what it was called.
Bill reminisced the past and evaluated the present and planned for future of Microsoft and for him. Ballmer was also helping Bill answer some questions regarding Microsoft like his proudest moment ,biggest goof up . plans for future etc . At the end , when Ballmer cried , I first thought why is he crying all of a sudden ,then suddenly even though I have no personal experience with Bill , I felt something it was not sadness or anything that I can name right now. I felt as if I am going to miss something now . Bill Gates has been one of my inspirations not just because he was richest man (that is one of the reasons :) though) ,but more because of the way he led the path for software industry to prosper . Many things are said about Microsoft and him , but Microsoft did whatever any company in its position would do. I am not justifying it but it does not steal anything away from great work done by Bill .
Today I found about my batch mate at IIT Guwahati , pursuing his dream in aviation. It was really great to know that he was going to become a pilot. It really kind of made me feel that hope and opportunity are always there and its really up to person to take a definite stride and grab them.
I also learnt of a endeavour of my IITG batch mate "BrandOnWheels.com" , its a nice undertaking and kudos to him for taking it.
This weekend I have got some really good news and witnessed a pretty important event.
Bill reminisced the past and evaluated the present and planned for future of Microsoft and for him. Ballmer was also helping Bill answer some questions regarding Microsoft like his proudest moment ,biggest goof up . plans for future etc . At the end , when Ballmer cried , I first thought why is he crying all of a sudden ,then suddenly even though I have no personal experience with Bill , I felt something it was not sadness or anything that I can name right now. I felt as if I am going to miss something now . Bill Gates has been one of my inspirations not just because he was richest man (that is one of the reasons :) though) ,but more because of the way he led the path for software industry to prosper . Many things are said about Microsoft and him , but Microsoft did whatever any company in its position would do. I am not justifying it but it does not steal anything away from great work done by Bill .
Today I found about my batch mate at IIT Guwahati , pursuing his dream in aviation. It was really great to know that he was going to become a pilot. It really kind of made me feel that hope and opportunity are always there and its really up to person to take a definite stride and grab them.
I also learnt of a endeavour of my IITG batch mate "BrandOnWheels.com" , its a nice undertaking and kudos to him for taking it.
This weekend I have got some really good news and witnessed a pretty important event.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Life is a journey
Life is a journey and to define a destination for life is as much a sacrilege as throwing it away.This thought dawned suddenly to me before dawn in the darkest hour both literally and symbolically.I was so adamantly focused on finding purpose or showing purpose does not exist in life ,that I forgot that journey is even more important. Problem with making destination more important than journey is that you end up enjoying it less and you get too stuck on the fixed path that you do not dare to go on those not trod path through woods or beautiful cart track in the valley .Haven't you ever felt when journey is wonderful ,destinations do not matter.
When one really starts enjoying the fact of being alive ,no purpose no goal is needed to justify life's existence.And one finds that justifying one's existence with all sort of purpose seem so meaningless and trite.
I still need to shed a lot of things to truly enjoy this journey.The feeling of obligation,the feeling of justification,the feeling of competition are all hindrance.To truly exalt life we should not have to be obliged,to justify,to compete .They should occur without us even noticing it .The fact that we think about it means we are putting ourselves at strain.
When you start feeling that life is great to you and you should do something to help someone who is not having a great life.It is not really that you are not honoring life but insulting it as you think some life is not compared to you and you want to feel great about your life by showing other's life is lowly.If one could reach a stage where one would help someone without feeling about it then we salute life.
There is so much to learn about life that I do not even know now.
Here are the few lines from song which was playing when I wrote this thing from Thoda Pyar Thoda Magic
When one really starts enjoying the fact of being alive ,no purpose no goal is needed to justify life's existence.And one finds that justifying one's existence with all sort of purpose seem so meaningless and trite.
I still need to shed a lot of things to truly enjoy this journey.The feeling of obligation,the feeling of justification,the feeling of competition are all hindrance.To truly exalt life we should not have to be obliged,to justify,to compete .They should occur without us even noticing it .The fact that we think about it means we are putting ourselves at strain.
When you start feeling that life is great to you and you should do something to help someone who is not having a great life.It is not really that you are not honoring life but insulting it as you think some life is not compared to you and you want to feel great about your life by showing other's life is lowly.If one could reach a stage where one would help someone without feeling about it then we salute life.
There is so much to learn about life that I do not even know now.
Here are the few lines from song which was playing when I wrote this thing from Thoda Pyar Thoda Magic
कभी सोचा है क्या,
कभी सोचा है क्या,
बारिश क्यों भाये,
क्यों गीत बेवजह ,होतों पे आए,
क्यों अच्छी लगे, तलवों में लहरें,
क्यों भटके कदम, एक पल ना ठहरें,
ये सब इशारे हैं,
संग जो हमारे हैं,
दिल ने सवारे हैं,
प्यार के लिए.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Competition
all i see is blood
faces are tainted
clothes covered with mud
feelings have fainted
love is nowhere to be found
competition abound
as long as whistles sound
severed limbs do not astound
it is like a burning race
its hard to match the pace
finding a way out of maze
like a mice in daze
even if you do succeed
rewarded for good deed
you are only as good as steed
saddled to speed
losing a moment here
seems to much to bear
even though path is clear
destination is never near
a fly trapped in cobweb,
request plead or beg
till you drop dead,
to be devoured head to leg
faces are tainted
clothes covered with mud
feelings have fainted
love is nowhere to be found
competition abound
as long as whistles sound
severed limbs do not astound
it is like a burning race
its hard to match the pace
finding a way out of maze
like a mice in daze
even if you do succeed
rewarded for good deed
you are only as good as steed
saddled to speed
losing a moment here
seems to much to bear
even though path is clear
destination is never near
a fly trapped in cobweb,
request plead or beg
till you drop dead,
to be devoured head to leg
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